tc

Sorry, I overslept till midnight.

I was really impressed your research.

The main idea of this research is “how and why the Crystal Palace is the representation of modernism of England in the 19th century,” isn’t it?
If so, as Fai said, you should make the explanation of modernism more concise and focus on the Crystal Palace more.

There are some pronouns that I can’t find what you refer to.

1st paragraph:
economical -> economic (economical means using less money)
am going to gather -> gather (wordy)
“the mentioned before” sounds strange for me because I just read 3 sentenses in this long writing.

2nd:
Remove comma in the 1st sent.
There is no evidence in this paragraph. If this paragraph is a part of the introduction and the evidence is shown later, show that more clearly.

3rd:
State more clearly why you have to explain the population growth in detail. How did the polulation growth affect the palace?
(1st sent.)
Put comma after “England”
began -> brought, created
Remove “for the country” (of cource England)
(2)
The most important changes are A and B. (If I were you, I would write like this)
(4)
too wordy. “L.B. says in ‘History …’ that ….”
(6)
What is “a spirit of new results”?
this changes -> these changes

4th:
(2)
“that time”, when? (In this paragraph, you mentioned both 19th and 20th century. One of those? Both?)

5th:
(2)
“The common style in the 19th century” or “In the 19th century, the common style”
“an” -> “and”
(3)
“they”, who?
“them”, what?
(4)
According to K.F.’s book “A …,” ….
(6)
Frampton says
(7)
famous -> common

6th:
British -> the British, the British government
to do express -> show (wordy)

7th:
(1)
in where -> where
(2)
The CP was … thing
(5)
He used not only A but also B.
If I were you, I move last 2 sentense to the next paragraph.

8th:
(4)
“others” who?
(last 2)
we are still impressed

9th:
Impressive ending.

–
Sam
Good night!

Why didn’t you post your annotated bibliography?

Hideki

Then what is it 10 minute speech.?

I’m looking forward to read your research paper.

Fai

Hideki

Hideki

Your analysis is interesting and unique. You used the word “micro” and “macro” to contrast these two articles. It is convincing to me. I think we can understand a certain issue well if we see it from differnt points of view. I always use two or more sources to understand something. In this case, we know the malaria from not only a scientific point of view point but also a political point of view. We are more aware of malaria through these two articles.

Sam