Advanced Reading and Writing D2

Fadwa…….Comments to Richard on 1st draft July 30, 2006

Hi Richard, thanx for your notes on my 1st draft, you made very interesting and important comments. Sorry for not posting mine earlier, I had some network connection problems. 

1. the title is effective and very interesting. Using title in a question format made it exciting to read. Even though I hate soccer.

2.The introduction is also interesting and it explains the issue. The thesis is arguable but I think it has to be revised because some points are not explained in the writing as it proceeds (wins may give people confidence)???

3.Adequate background information is provided. I would like to hear more about the economic increase and decrease for the winning and loosing nations.

4.The paper is very well organized, I was able to understand every single detail. Transitons were used effectively, because the paper was very smooth to read.

5.The conclusion was fluent, but, In my opinion, if you include more of your own points of view and opinions it will be more interesting.

6. There are few grammer errors but it doesnt interfere with the understanding of ideas. For eg. (soccer still was not so popular in Tiawan,), second paragraph (More wealthy as a nation,)also in the second paragraph, a second article is not needed (all of them have the most amount of population in their continents). In the third paragraph there is a shift from the present tense to the past (experienced).